I still love Anna

I was raised in the wilderness,

nurtured and protected by the wildest of wolves and lionesses,

who took me in as one of their own,

though saw and felt and knew me as a fox cub.

and perhaps…found in me, some passionate pipsqueak echo of their fangs.


Those I have sought to cling to and find comfort in their embrace,

are always the fanatics, the brutes, the messed up, the broken…

they give me their love and I give them my weasel roar for honest as the forest,

in all ways,

for all days…


They have watched me throw my heart into an everything nobody could speak against,

and still been there for me when it became apparent,

as they had warned,

that I had written fairytales and asked another to play a role which they liked in words alone.

 

they dont pick up the pieces,

just grow more menacing in their loving growl of BE MORE FUCKIN CAREFUL,

and those who know me the deepest,

are aware,

that all my romantic fanaticism,

is an echo of Anna.

A girl I knew as a boy I still am in heart.

Years of feeling something so powerful that nothing else mattered,

and when I finally found myself alone with this girl,

the sister of my closest chum,

I told her…

four cheeks crimson,

a bench in a garden nearby,

nothing mattered,

nothing happened,

but our kisses…

To her, likely a meaningless mistake of a morning.

To me,

the most pure expression of my love for a woman I have ever experienced,

where even the morning chorus of the birds were singing to us.

All has been an echo of that most sublime of darkness to dawn light ever since.

Only the young ninja brother appreciates this outline carved in my boy heart,

which I have been seeking ever since.

It wasnt her body,

It wasnt her voice,

it was simply the most beautiful feeling of my life to be close to her,

and to feel all too briefly that we were as one…and that we fit.

holding her close as she held me the same,

felt as Right as the Starlight…

And I’ve been searching for that ever since.

In everyone but her.


I grew up wanting to cherish and make happy nothing but her.

Told my cause was wrong,

by her family,

by my friends,

by circumstance…

it didnt waver or change.

I just learned how to hide and keep it quiet…


 

I used to listen to this and before I was ever blissfully in her arms,

I knew it was the only place I would ever find home.

I still love Anna.

ANd still feel my distant depth of devotion asteroid in outer space knowing it has passed by its planet,

looks always backwards,

applying the outline of her moons and mountains and rivers to others,

but secretly knowing,

they can never be her…


 

How cruel yet so beautiful,

to experience such a fleeting sensation of a love being so much more than desire or need,

something so mutual and beyond words…

then to spend my love throwing my heart and soul and poetry they combine to sing,

into everyone but her…

Other than that dawn of sparrows singing to our kisses…

I heard this song for so many years,

when kept away from her,

other than one afternoon,

when she got on the back of my barely beyond moped motorbike…

and her arms wrapped around me,

to look at her smiling face,

nothing of humanity or the wilderness has ever seemed that beautiful.

Every song I heard in the 90s,

that wild period of sparks lighting in all directions,

I felt for her…


Life would be easier had I not met her,

for her essence was so perfect a Girl made of the wilderness I naturally wanted to adore and devote myself towards making her smile.

yet the truth is very much, clearly…

I’d rather have held my perfect love in my arms briefly,

spent a life chasing lame imitations of the same,

than never held her close.


 

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