3 year old eyes

By tdf, May 24, 2007

For many years, I have felt it deep down within me, A damaged part of my Soul, I could sense and hear screaming out, but not see…

And last year, I finally found out the cause, Of the sporadic affliction of the inner wars,

 That have plagued me incessantly, Whenever I have been Alone, Off and on as into a Man I have grown,

With a flurry of Cruelty, The cover of the hidden sniper from my past was finally Blown….

 I tried so hard to avert my eyes, To shield Myself from what I read, But the gravity of Uncovering the last few pieces of my story, Became quickly as heavy as lead…

I tried to forget, I engineered a serious case of Denial, But as soon as I opened up my story to a close friend, I sunk straight back into feeling lowly and vile…

Sharing even a glimpse of my inner turmoil didn’t make me feel better, In fact, It made me feel Worse, And after speaking about it, I couldn’t look at My Life as amounting to anything other than an unfortunate Curse…

When I looked into a mirror, I saw a Demon, A twisted ManCHild,Created by the devil’s semen…

 The strength of the hatred, Was too much for my soul to bear, Every second of consciousness, Became a walking nightmare…

Then She left me; My lover jumped onto another man’s dick, And it was the swiftness of her betrayal that Sent me over a Line of depression where I started to accept that I was Spiritually Sick…

That I needed to sort Myself Out, Get my Feet back onto the ground, That I had been behaving like a human shaped cyclone of Despair, Able to hear only the deafening Sound,

 Of my agonizingly contorted soul, Screaming out in pain, I realized at this point, That I had been going Insane…

So I started facing my Story, I let the Self-Loathing rise unopposed to the surface, For another week or two, I remained destructively nervous,

 But then I allowed a few mates to feel me, Gave them the Problem in gory detail, And as soon as I saw the Love in their eyes, It was as if a warm Caribbean breeze had got caught in my sail…

 I immediately improved, I began to Make sense of what had Been, I Made peace with the reasons for my sensitivity, And managed to dissolve some of the Hurt caused by the horrors that my 3 year old eyes had seen…