I looked him in the eyes many times,
I had held him in my arms many months,
The vet told me he would soon be just bones.
Still…
That decision I made.
haunts me every second of wakefulness.
Had he been human,
I suspect I’d feel less,
But Oscar….
close to 15 years of finding each other daily,
no matter our sometimes fang ferocious locking horns,
sleeping, dreaming, side by side through the darkness…
We were close as Earth Sun and Moon.
The SUn and Moon…I ended.
Was it a mercy killing?
I ponder in wake and dream these unanswerable questions.
they haunt and weigh me down.
I know I can…
be a better man,
yet to who???
I am long past offering the best I can be to every human.
They are close to always disappointing,
unfeeling, unthinking frauds,
prone to follow dumb scripts…
Im closer to butterlfies and wombats and worms than I can relate to most humans..
It is so rare for me to find any human with a pulse which resonates.
Most are reading from dumb scripts,
expecting dumb responses,
even the chimps would be aghast at the celebrated carnival of fakery…
I was raised by urban wolves,
have the swiftness of mind to masquerade amongst the pleasant, less physically prone morons,
aware of not chameleon,
but i absorb my sourroundings,
I respond to and become my climate and people.
Have long felt the brutal change from my kinship found in the moon sung tides,
emerging calm marvel to smile at dragonflies and clouds,
the wind singing symphony into the dancing branches,
flocks of swallows high speed turning as one mega bird,
then reluctant wading weightless wandering to sand back to the shoreline,
my essence prised wide open from total immersion in the wilderness,
senses salved of the land muck and nonsense,
yet I must return there….
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