A soft candlelight in the darkness I have become…which I want to keep close.

By tdf, November 5, 2021

Humanity is generally awful.

My own included as I tend to become honest and the same brimming with self recrimination chameleon,

yet nonetheless, respond to intense horror,

and blossom ugly into something responsive of all around me.

my sensitivity more a curse than any semblance of a blessing.


I am aware that my expectations of others are as unreasonable as of my own Camelot values…

Nowt to do with what they have read,

all to do with what they have felt.

For Balzac and Dostoyevsky and Hamsun and Tolstoy,

may well make me a little more easily versed in words of life.

relate to how master writers felt and knew the world no different hundreds of years ago to what it is now….

but I couldn’t care less for them,

for all that has ever mattered to me is FEELING….


Josh is so consistently soft,

cynical yet hopeful clinging to the best of his nature,

accepting his human horror,

yet always seeking the warm breeze through the leaves and soothing symphony of the waves…

He has always been honest as the forest.

shot, wounded deeply,

by his own cupid rocket,

the aftermath of which,

he could not feel anything other than all his essence.

in agony,

though perhaps,

loving as feral,

amongst the unfeeling, just thinking…

tried to find wisdom in his dissolution of true romance.

Yet picked himself up,

and was somehow, somewhere,

even when so much of him was given and lost,

in a place where his essence remained open and loving….and hopeful.

I have become so deeply researched into forging any idea of what the fuck is happening to us all,

bought into a chimera stance mocking the prescribed by our corporate overseers Right v Left so proudly promoted battle,

only the ocean now soothes,

Her Luna-tic tides have proven my salve of all human woes…

then I found a human able to pour light and loveliness upon what I assumed,

was long so scorched, just ashes,

She wiped her forest eyes when glasses removed,

I sensed her purity,

she is a human butterfly,

not to court or allow my natural, filthy eagerness to scare away,


she is a warm tide always upon my shores,

causing me to be reminded of how amazing we can be,

inspiring little lady!

She gives so much warmth,

to humanity.

A sublime and beautiful essence of Lady I am happily affected by,

to do whatever is within my power to bring about her smile.

and anyone who does otherwise…

I instantly wish to triangle choke.

The feral weasel of many wars, \scarred, broken yet wild still…

coming across a true Bambi heart,

and rather than pester I just want to prance around her,

and protect,


for she is a rare and precious essence which makes my heart smile and my softness abounds…

I am happy and inspired by this boyish reverence I find so few and far between for humans,

with words I will never show her,

as I suspect I am amazed and cold heart to stern mind melted to adorable softness by her loveliness.

And I don’t want to lose this. Its special and magical, as is She,

whether she knows it or not.

And for this spellbound of belief even tentative briefly anytime side by side,

I am in awe of her…sometimes,

in some ways.

These precious souls are the only hope of any better future,

for humanity.

they must be protected,

maybe I should focus harder on my ninja studies,

to add an adult warrior knight errant,

to those my life would be worth living on the land to do whatever i can to keep safe and happy..

My bambi heart long taken too many wrong turns,

as the blizzards and full moon tides have flowed through and become much more cynical of me>>>

I am too dark,

too aware and made of the horrors of humanity,

to be close to any Woman of purity.

AT best,

I can support…from fond distance.

as I am both scarred and aware,

that I should come with a warning,

inked upon my brow,

‘dont show me your heart…then I cannot hurt it’...

I have hurt myself and others too much,

that weight I carry always,

no matter whose fault,

for when I love, its my everything given.

and I can never snap my fingers and bring all my everything back.

I have written fairytales on too many burial grounds…

Now what is left of the only, at best, value to humanity,

is a dissolving of all thinking,

a focus on love. And NAture beyond humanity.

Perhaps the only man bridge between the many realms I sense, close to know,

yearn to beieve all feel…

but they dont,

or wont…

My remedy for the world is to make all listen to SAUL WILLIAMS>>>>>





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