The Blueprint…
The closer I get to people, the more I understand how important the blueprint forged during childhood, of relations between a mother and father, husband and wife, parent and child, figures later on…to horrifying history repeating itself in the ugliest of ways.
I am eternally grateful for my mother wrenching myself and my sister 12000 miles away from an appalling father. My blueprint wasnt anywhere near to set, and perhaps this is why I have found life spent seeking role models to take the place of a father, and augmentation of my mother, as I have traveled far, wide and loudly. For with the heart of a lion cub, and the mind of a mangled wizard, I have been forced to source my own blueprints, which is judged, measured, pondered, long before cementing as proper and right. Blah Blah Blah…enough of me,
Its others which bother or inspire or warm me. And so many of the finest souls I meet and know are repeating, often worsening, their history. They are trying to make their abusive father out of their boyfriend, or trying to make an abused mother out of their wife. Their relationships are governed by a need for control. When Control is the antithesis, the enemy, of Love. They can’t see this in their brainwashed minds, which have become too battered by abuse, that they know nothing else, so seek abuse, or to abuse…for abuse is what they were taught was how the most powerful connexions in our lives treat each other.
The problem is that there are humans whose existence is a testament to outpouring of love, devotion and wisdom, found few and far between, and absent of colliding with one of this superb tribe, you have no reason to change, to ponder yourself, for you have given not enough of yourself to another, who loves you enough to not just show you a true reflection of Self, but to ponder the image and offer advice from a foundation of love.
How do you find your idea of how to treat people, friends and lovers, essentially your idea of Right and Wrong? Does this match your instincts? Or are your instincts altered by…reaction to the world in which you have grown? This should come from both within and without. You need to find your own WAy. It should be beaten into you by experience, which you then get close to others, then reflect and express onto others…through fist or cutting much deeper sabre shaped word fang. The latter does more damage. Words hurt, for other than when lost in the beastly frenzy of pure fighting or pure fucking, we hear and record every word, so slowly and powerfully from those we love…
Others grow somehow with wilted development, and when mega trauma strikes…they break. Into a million pieces of the same person. Left wondering who they are, or seeking a totem which makes a semblance of sense.
The same applies…to have a totem, a light in the darkness, which knows you through and through, offers you nowt but a devotion to your continued well being, which includes telling you when you are appalling…is what we all need. A part of our species who sincerely knows us and always wants the best for us, and is honest as the forest…
ABsent of which, we spend our lives searching for our soul.
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